Giving Jesus full Lordship

Jesus, making you Lord of everything is not easy for me. God, I release the things that come easy for me but I have been so stubborn with the areas of my life that I want control of ~ people-pleasing, perfectionism and deception. My soul longs to be near to you, God but my flesh is interfering with me going deeper with you. I want to be passionate for You Jesus but that takes full surrender. You are showing me that You will not relent until I surrender my all. My flesh wants control but again and again I have found that leaning on my own understanding only leads to destruction. I am so easily deceived but in You alone is complete truth and where truth is there is freedom. I am trading my fear and anxiety about my circumstances for a reverent fear of You. God, just as you give You also take away. I am completely dependent on You for life. Apart from You I can do nothing good but You compel me to walk in righteousness. I have realized that I accepted You as Savior, wanting all the benefits of a relationship with You, God but I never accepted You as Lord of my life by surrendering everything. I was comfortable where I was because my faith was not tested. Growing up in a Christian home, going to a private Christian school, spending time with Christian friends.....etc. I didn't need to surrender my life to You because I was not in a place where I recognized my dependence on You. Lord, when I graduated and tasted the world I started pursuing what I thought would satisfy the longings of my heart for love and acceptance. I developed a lifestyle of destructive habits which over time led me down a path toward anorexia. It was in this place of darkness and uncertainty that I realized my sin. I had not only deceived others but I had deceived myself. You shed light on my fragile state. I was a slave to sin, obeying my flesh. Taking the steps toward healing has been a tough process because I had such a stubborn, hardened heart towards Your truth. I felt like I was living in shackles and bondage to sin. Rather than turning my struggles with eating, people-pleasing, insecurity and perfection over to You I relied on self for healing. I slowly began to relinquish little by little areas of my life that I had kept from You as You softened my heart to Your Spirit. Praise the Lord that I have now seen that complete healing comes from total surrender. Realizing that I cannot but You can, I don't know or understand but I can trust that You do. I am so thankful my healing was not instant because it was over time that I developed habits of denying flesh and choosing truth, that my heart became softened and sensitive to Your Holy Spirit inside me. I can now say with full confidence that I am saved and am in the process of being sanctified "I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20 I have not yet obtained perfection for that is impossible here on earth but I am pressing on toward the goal of eternity with my Lord.That is the joy set before me! I am choosing not to dwell on my past but rather to embrace who I am today hopeful of further growth in the future. I have now seen that I can overcome the trials and struggles that I will face in this present life by the power of the blood of Jesus and the word of my testimony. My history is HIS STORY for me to share for His glory. In my life Lord, be lifted high!